Wednesday, July 17, 2013
and maybe even a new suit.
I don't know much about suits but as a helpful wife I was ready to journey along to the local chain
suit store and give my thumbs up or thumbs down as Peter models suits. Little did I know I would learn some serious suit store "lingo".
When we arrived we met very serious suit store guy. Let's just say he takes his job VERY seriously. As a teacher I also feel that taking your job seriously is important but I also can appreciate the time to smile and even laugh at my serious job.
Super serious suit store guy introduced himself, his name is Peter, how coincidental, my prospective suit buying husband Peter says, "Well I really like your name... it's mine too" and smiles, this would be a good place for super serious suit store guy to insert a smile but instead he remains very serious with a stiff hand shake.
Suit buying Peter, tells super serious suit store guy Peter his size and tries on a few pairs but super serious suit guy objects due to the "dog ears" in the front, super serious translation:suit pockets are sticking out like dogs ears, ruff ruff, and there is a "smile" translation: apparently his crotch is smiling, who knew there were such serious terms for suits. Both terms very inappropriate for serious suit guy.
Then serious suit store guy walks behind Peter and grabs the belt loop in the back and says "Looks like it's getting a little too "familiar" back here." I crack up, he's so serious as he says it.
Suit buying Peter says "what, Huh?, and in my work with elementary school kids I can easily decode this serious suit guy statement. Translation: "He's saying you have a wedgie" and of course I start giggling, suit buying Peter laughs too but not super serious suit guy Peter, probably thinking, we don't say wedgie at this store it's "getting too familiar."
To be honest I didn't see what was so wrong with these suit pants after a few adjustments I thought suit buying Peter looked rather handsome, but I'm impartial :)
Then super serious suit store Peter picks a pair of suit pants he deems more appropriate for suit buying Peter. Suit buying Peter goes into the fitting room to try them on and comes out looking like he's wearing clown pants. Serious suit guy lays out another unknown suit term to us "move them up to the high country." ---what, what??
Serious Suit guy Translation: Wear your suit pants five inches above your belly button dangerously close to your chest.
Apparently suit pants should be worn up HIGH. So suit buying Peter pulls them up practically over his head and serious suit store guy Peter is happy...
but I can't with hold from bursting out in laughter,
blame it on the pregnancy hormones but now MY Peter has instantly aged 30 years, looking like an old man with his pants up to his chest and his pant legs so baggy he looks like he's wearing MC hammer pants and if a strong wind came up he might just blow away.
Serious suit store guy raves on how good suit buying Peter looks after he has a few nips and tucks here and there and apparently doesn't appreciate my laughter, I couldn't even get a smile out of him. Suit buying Peter doesn't look so sure and is trying so hard not to laugh too.
Suit Buying Peter, my Peter, says "ya know, I know the "high country" is where you might be supposed to wear your suit pants (if you are 80, okay he didn't say that) but I just don't think I will ever wear them that high, I'm more of a wear them down here kind of guy," moving his pants down to where most normal people wear them.
But serious suit store guy won't back down, so we thank him for his service and his dedication to the "high country" and we leave.
Tomorrow, suit buying Peter will go back to the suit store chain in a different location and be clear with his expectations for pants in the "low country", we are not talking gangster baggy, just normal guy not up to your chest pants.
He found pants just right for him and he looks great, no dog ears, no smiles, no getting familiar and no high country. Just right.
Who knew "suiting up" was so complicated.
But hey, we did learn some great suit store lingo,
you serious suit store guy Peter for taking your job SO seriously.